Jupiter Ascending

Imagine if you will a crossover between Star Wars and Game of Thrones. Congratulations, you have just thought of a much more intriguing and exciting movie than Jupiter Ascending. The Wachowskis have attempted to craft an engaging sci-fi story and, while I must admit the world the movie inhabits is interesting, they lack the writing ability to make a story that is engaging or one that makes any sense.

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is an illegal Russian immigrant who lives in Chicago working for her uncle in his cleaning business. In an attempt to make some money by selling her eggs, she is almost killed by aliens (the most stereotypic aliens you can think of), but is saved by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), a human-dog hybrid, who reveals to Jupiter that Earth was genetically seeded by a family run corporation billions of years ago. Jupiter finds out that she is actually space royalty (the highest royalty one can hope for) and is thrust into the politics of the Abrasax family, which includes Balem (Eddie Redmayne), Kalique (Tuppence Middleton) and Titus (Douglas Booth), all of whom are fighting over the ownership of Earth.

This movie's plot is all over the place and that has to do with the amount of detail which is just brushed over. We have no idea about where the space people came from (they do identify as human) or how their civilisation works. It is mentioned that the Abrasax family is one of many that inhabit the universe, but we never get a glimpse at any of these. On the upside we do get an extended montage of "space bureaucracy" that is trying so hard to remind us of Terry Gilliam's Brazil. In the hands of a much better writer, this world would be an amazing setting for a series of sci-fi novels that would be able to go into the deep detail needed for all this plot.

There is also a glaring problem with Jupiter's backstory. In the prologue, we are told that Jupiter's father was the son of the British Ambassador to Russia and her mother and father live in quite a nice apartment. But in the scene that comes after her father's death, her mother is on a container ship, being smuggled into America. So many things wrong here. Why wouldn't the father-in-law take them in? Being an ambassador is quite a revered diplomatic position and he couldn't have ensured their safe passage anywhere in the world. Even if he disowned them, Jupiter's mother had enough money to be able to get to America. Sure the prologue takes place in Soviet Russia, but the way they were living exceeded the middle class of Russia at the time.

As for the acting of this film, I don't really know what to say. All the actors do an adequate job of portraying their one-dimensional characters. Jupiter had the potential to be a strong female protagonist, but just ends up being another damsel to be saved by Channing Tatum. Now his character is just as boring. We know nothing of the science behind the character, although they mention gene-splicing more times that I care to count. And Sean Bean. Don't even get me started on him. We all know he is good for one thing and one thing only; dying. And yet they don't let him live up to his potential. What a waste.

There is hope, however. Very recent Academy Award Winner Eddie Redmayne has made some incredible, if not strange, acting choices in his career. But none have been as genius as the choices made in this film. He looked at the poorly written Balem Abrasax and his minimal screen time and wondered how could he work his magic. Well, magic is the right word for it. In each scene, he mumbles through his lines, making you lean in to grasp the nuances of his delivery of each line, before shouting at all of us the crux of each scene, which nine out of ten times is "Bring her to me!" or a variant thereof.

I really wish this was a series of books because I would enjoyed it. Too late now. The only thing saving this from a zero score is Redmayne's strange, weird performance. The only character I want to see ever again is the elephant man Nesh. If you've seen it, you'll agree with me.

Let's Be Cops

I'm really glad that this movie points out how illegal it is to run around pretending to be a police officer, not to mention how dangerous it would be, because I reckon it's something people might (and probably already) do. But for Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans, Jr. it looks like a lot of fun. 

Justin (Wayans) and Ryan (Johnson) are two losers in their early thirties who wish their life was better. For their upcoming college reunion, they decide to dress as cops because Ryan misunderstood the dress code on the invitation. After they realise the mischief that they can get away with, they keep up the charade for a while until getting dragged into an actual organised crime investigation.

For the most part this movie is a lot of fun. There are some great montages with Johnson's character learning how to be an officer from Youtube videos and the scenes where the two of them are adjusting to this new life that they have created for themselves, but are still unsure of what they should do, are hilarious. Despite this, the film does take a turn toward the end and the climax of the film is actually quite tense (compared to the light-hearted tone that preceded it).

Wayans and Johnson make a hilarious duo in the movie and work together excellently. There are some funny scenes in which they are talking to another character and both of their reaction shots to what the other is saying is hilarious. Nina Dobrev plays Justin's love interest, Josie, but she isn't given a whole lot to do in the story which is a bit disappointing, considering her talents.

The rest of the cast are very strong. Rob Riggle gets to play a serious cop for once (as opposed to his role in The Hangover). Andy García and James D'Arcy both play suitable villains but they serve more as foils for Johnson and Wayans. Natasha Leggero and Keegan-Michael Key both have hilarious cameos that are definitely a high point of the movie.

Verdict: A fun and serviceable buddy cop comedy that has got some great gags, especially Wayans reading text messages as a black woman.

Hitchcock

I am convinced that someone has built and is using a time machine. My evidence for this wild allegation is the movie Hitchcock. They must have gone back to 1960 and convinced Alfred Hitchcock to get in some odd shaped car and act in a film about the making of his most famous movie Psycho. It's either that or Anthony Hopkins is the best celebrity impersonator ever (or close enough until you hear the legendary Ralph Garman). Either of these ideas work for me.

The story behind Psycho was an amazing one. His last film North by Northwest was a huge success. But Alfred dreams of his younger days, when he and his wife Alma (Helen Mirren) were making experimental movies and pushing the boundaries of can and can't be shown on the silver screen. He is under contract for one more picture with Paramount. So in the search for the inspiration for his next movie, Hitchcock comes across Robert Bloch's novel Psycho. It is about the owner of a mysterious motel who murders most of the young female guests who enters it's doors. Hitch, as he is known in this movie, is smitten with the story, he has found the film that will push the envelope in many ways. However, he cannot get anyone to finance it. So, in a turn that makes me to consider him one of the original indie filmmakers, he mortgages his house and tightens his bootstraps to make one of the most ambitious films of his career. Ambitious only because the head of the US censor board (That 70s Show's Kurtwood Smith) finds the film to be abhorrent. So through the ups and downs of the production he finally is able to make a rough cut that is satisfactory, although it isn't any good.

Meanwhile, Alma finds herself drifting away from Alfred and wishes to pursue her own projects. She starts work on an adaption of her friends new novel. She works on this for a considerable amount of time before realising it is unadaptable. This is just about the time when Hitch finds that he needs to re-edit his rough cut and Alma comes to the rescue. They spend a considerable amount of time in the editing room and end up coming out with a masterpiece. This time round the film is much more to Hitch's expectations, although only two theatres agree to show it, so they must rely on word of mouth. Luckily for them it is a success with the audience.

The cast in this movie is great. Anthony Hopkins, as I said earlier was a dead ringer for the master of suspense, and Helen Mirren were perfect as always. But they real joy of the cast is in the supporting roles. Scarlett Johansson is perfect as Janet Leigh (also known as Jamie Lee Curtis' mum, something I only recently discovered), the leading lady made famous by the iconic shower scene. Another doppelganger in this movie was James D'Arcy as Anthony Perkins, who plays the eponymous psycho. This guy was so convincing as Perkins, he had all the nervousness of the actor and character down-pat. Also a surprising supporting role came from a highly unrecognisable Toni Collette as Hitch's assistant. Jessica Biel also gets a bit part as Vera Miles, Hitch's former leading lady.

There are some interesting "dream" sequences in which Hitch's experience making this film is likened to that of the story Ed Gein, the serial killer caught two years prior to the making of the film and the model behind the character of Norman Bates. Here his played by Michael Wincott (we all remember him from Alien: Resurrection, surely).

Verdict: I found this movie to wonderfully enjoyable. I love Psycho and I find it to be terrifying (it's 52 years old as well). I also like to see movies about how Hollywood worked in it's golden age and this is no exception. Look out for a great reference to his next film, The Birds.