Mark Reviews: The Gambler

Hey guys, I'm back. And this time I was in a serious movie because a lot of you guys have been running around saying I'm not a serious actor. But you know what? I am. And you can count your lucky stars that I'm here today to explain it to you, because you probably won't get my ambition of being in a movie like this.

This time around, I play another character which I'm not at all. An English professor. And you better believe that I do it well, because I'm the greatest actor to have ever lived. So what, my character has a gambling problem, you're probably at home watching too much porn.

And because I'm bad at Blackjack in real life, I'm not good in it in this movie. But I make it seem convincing that I know what I'm doing. But still, I end up owing money to Michael K. Williams and some Korean guy.

Even when pissing in public, I'm a better actor than you

You probably already know this, but I don't like working with other people, mainly because I have to carry the film. But I have to say, Brie Larson is a dream. If I wasn't already married with 15 kids, I'd definitely get in there. Not because she's beautiful, but because she's an amazing actress. And when I say in the film that she's a genius, I meant Brie herself and not the character she played. Oh yeah, John Goodman was good too, but hey, I've worked with Burt Reynolds, so what you gonna do.

So I can hear you all saying, "Hey Mark, isn't this a remake of the Jimmy Caan 1978 film?", well let me tell you something, this ain't the first time I've been in a remake before. You may remember I was in a remake of the 1968 film Planet of the Apes and I made that character my own instead of just doing a Charlton Heston impression. See I bet you didn't expect to come and read me doing a pretty good self evaluation of my own performance. You don't need to go Harvard or MIT to get a education these days.

My recommendation for if you are going to see this movie, don't take your brother Donnie because the smarts are just going to go over his head and Ma don't want him gambling no more.