Mark Reviews: Ted 2

Hey guys, I'm really pissed off. You know why? Because they said my friend Ted wasn't a human and that he isn't allowed to have kids. Why is that you guys? Have you seen how many beers he can drink? There are guys back in Dorchester who would be passed out and he would still be going. And those guys have Irish parents too.

Well, the whole reason we found out that was he wasn't allowed to have kids was because we snuck into All American hero Tom Brady's house to steal his sperm for Ted to have a kid (that's a whole other story and I don't want Ma to read about me breaking into houses because I don't do that anymore to be a good example for Donnie). But, hey, Ted you don't need some football player when your best friend is right here and he's better than any football player. Hell, I'll even play football if you want.

Okay, so maybe that's a photo of me throwing a football at the back of Donnie's head, but it still counts as being an athletic guy. Anyway, I got your back Ted. Your babies will be strong. But hey, what about my troubles? My character's wife left me, so I gotta get back in the game. Luckily, Amanda Seyfried plays a hot young lawyer, so there's always that option.

If you're gonna see any of my movies this year, just make sure it's this one. I had so much fun making it. And if you don't like me, it's an opportunity to see me get covered in semen.