Annie

              Stacks: "I've learned you can count the people who truly love you on one hand."
              Annie: "You know you're making a fist, right."

What is Annie? It's a modernised update of the classic stage musical, made for the children of 2014. Set in New York City, specifically Harlem. The race of the leads are inverted to, along with excessive producer credits that include two hip-hop stars (Will Smith and Jay-Z) and Jada Pinkett-Smith, give the impression that this movie has the appeal and feel of a Tyler Perry or Oprah Winfrey production, or one of those Ja-Rule movies (a.k.a often bad and intended for black audiences only). With a script by the writers of Friends with Benefits, Morning Glory, 27 Dresses, We Bought a Zoo, Fired Up! and The Michael J. Fox Show. Directed by the man who directed Fired Up!, Friends with Benefits, Easy A and was the creator/executive producer of the Michael J. Fox show. And with a trailer for such a film it's hard not to walk in to this childless and not be full of a passionate, frothing hatred and the expectation to be delighted by the shoddyness on-screen. But like the titular little "foster care kid", Annie is not as awfully annoying as it would seem.

In Harlem, the precocious and eponymous orphan (Quvenzhane Wallis) lives with four other "foster care" children, waiting and wishing to be adopted and saved from the hammy Cruella-DeVille-ing of Cameron Diaz's Miss Hannigan, an alcoholic and abusive spinster who denigrates the chirpy young girls, and occasionally drunkenly smacks their heads into walls. Annie visits the same restaurant every Friday night as it is the only clue to her patronage, but otherwise spends her time at school, running about the neighbourhood, or cleaning her foster home. While trying to protect a Shiba Inu doge from some boys who are throwing cans at it, she is saved from a speeding van by billionaire mobile phone mogul Will Stacks (Jamie Foxx). Stacks is in the middle of a mayoral election campaign, but losing to a man who talks about being pissed on during a kids film ("Don't pee in my ear and tell me it's hot rain"). So Stacks, his British assistant Grace (Rose Byrne) and fast-talking money-loving adviser Guy (Bobby Canavale) intend to exploit the humanity the young girl gives him to win votes, and he soon invites her to live with him for a while. During her stay the two bond and learn off of each other, most often Stacks learning that there is more to life than hard work and business.

Annie has a certain precocious charm to it, though this is surrounded by discussions of political campaigns, phone mechanics, wildly inappropriate jokes about prostitution, alcoholism and abandonment, and such inexplicable marginalisation of real issues such as alcoholism, domestic abuse, abandonment and repression that its baffling to see these details even present in what is intended to be a sweet childrens musical, let alone being mocked. There's also many references to actors and pop culture that's fine for older audiences, including a Young Adult film-adaptation parody featuring Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis and a political ad featuring Michael J. Fox. You know, jokes for children. Chuck in a  Deliverance joke while you're at it.

"No, thanks. I don't want....companionship. Not that I'm judging!"
Literally a line of dialogue in this childrens film.

Quvezhane Wallis is undeniably great in the lead role. She's smart-mouthed, but innocent enough to be completely endearing, and possibly the best thing to say about the film as a whole. Jamie Foxx is serviceable, Rose Byrne is Rose Byrne (solid and sweet), but the hammyness of Bobby Canavale and Cameron Diaz meanders between entertaining and cringe-worthy, and often distracts. Visually, the film is bubbly and bright, but otherwise unremarkable. The musical side of the film is presented as self-aware, during several songs characters often react with bemusement, astonishment and/or scorn when others launch into song, but this just invites the wish for more confused reaction shots of bystanders during these musical numbers. The songs themselves are apparently mildly updated versions from the stage-play, with some being dropped completely to meet pacing and narrative requirements. Also, the occasional remixing of a song can be pretty startling (Foxx's rendition of "The City's Yours" featuring an interminable R&B backing). The film certainly falters in the third act,  devolving into tying loose ends where character arcs should be, and a boring chase involving Twitter and Instagram. It actually makes you miss the archetypal end of second act break-up moment that appears in most childrens films, which is followed by a sweeping crescendo of a reunion. But hey, it's a hard knock life.

Annie is not a cinematic movie, but will be an enjoyable enough DVD to pop on for the kids on a lazy weekend. None of the songs will stick, and neither will the performances outside of Diaz, Canavale and especially Wallis. Not as bad as it deserves to be, but nothing work making a fuss over, really.