Mark Reviews: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Just as I was about to go see TMNT, I got this review in my inbox from our good friend Mark Wahlberg, so there's one less movie I have to review. - Jack

Hey everyone I'm back and I got all new thoughts on a movie I saw. A few days ago, my mom called and said that she's missing me and Donnie. So I packed Donnie's backpack and we flew out to Boston to see the family.

After a dinner at our family's restaurant Wahlburgers (19 Shipyard Drive, Hingham, MA, if you're in the Boston area check it out and tell my brother Paulie I sent you), Donnie really wanted to go see this movie about turtles or something and I told Ma I'd take him, even though I knew he'd get tired and fall asleep.

First of all I'm pissed off that Michael Bay didn't put me in this movie. I could have played like Will Arnett's character or a turtle (or all four because I'm that good). I thought we had it good Michael, you already put me in two movies.

I'm so good I can play my own son

Anyway, Donnie fell asleep like I thought he would and I got really bored. Something about ninjas attacking New York (which I totally would have stopped if I was there) and the fact that these things are supposed to look like turtles. Whoever made this movie has never seen a turtle. I have to feed Donnie's pet turtles all the time so I know what they look like.

I suppose that Megan Fox is pretty good to look at, so it was a total waste. And that Johnny Knoxville can be pretty funny, but I really did want to see him fall down some stairs or get hit with a golf club.

So, I guess if you like looking at big monsters pretending to look like turtles or like falling asleep, you're gonna love this one. The weirdest part is that Donnie knew the exact parts of the movie he liked even though he was asleep during them. I gotta stop taking my brother to the movies.

The Lego Movie

The Lego Movie takes the family film to a whole new level. Not only is it fantastically self-aware and satirical, it has jokes that will please the whole family. Back this up with a huge and amazing cast, as well as a great soundtrack by Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh with songs that will get stuck in your head long after you finish watching.

The story centres on Emmet (Chris Pratt), a regular construction worker who loves to fit in and follow the rules. One day after his shift finishes, Emmet gets entangled in a plot to destroy the world by the evil villain and president Lord Business (Will Ferrell), who plans to use a relic known as Kragle (which turns out to be Krazy Glue missing some letters). Emmet is mistaken to be the Special and taken by Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks) to the blind wizard Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman), who tells Emmet that he is the chosen one to take down Lord Business.

The best jokes in this film come mainly from the movie's characters self awareness that they live in a world made of Lego. Emmet cannot build things without an instruction manual of which there are several big ones in the construction yard (the kind that come with all Lego sets). There are also references to many famous Lego sets of the past 40 years, including the famous Classic Space line of the early 80s.

Also there are a great number of parodical and satirical jokes. Some of these are references to real first world problems (# not included) such as exorbitant prices for cups of coffee. Others are very funny in-jokes aimed at the film industry, such as the relationship between Superman, voiced by Channing Tatum, and Green Lantern, voiced by Jonah Hill (both Tatum and Hill starred in 21 Jump Street).

There are also a great number of cameos aside from the two aforementioned. These include Shaquille O'Neal, Will Forte, Liam Neeson, Will Arnett as Batman and one of my favourite actors (if you read my blog regularly, you'll be well acquainted with my affinity for) Charlie Day.

The animation in the film is also amazing. It is done in a way that looks like it is stop-motion capturing whilst still being computer generated. Apart from some real objects that appear in the film, everything is made of actual Lego pieces that come in the sets. Toward the end of the film there are some life action scenes that work really well and don't interrupt the flow when they cut back to the animation.

Verdict: A really funny and smart film that will appeal to everyone.